Señor Cuervo’s Effect

“Fun Val” as my friends have nicknamed me, comes out when I’ve had my fair share of drinks (thanks José). My good pal José has definitely been there at my ultimate worst moments.

– THIS IS HOW I FEEL –

When I’m sober:

After a few drinks:

1. Travels to Hobbiton (2009):

Cue story one in 2009, where my pals and I are drinking at the local watering hole. Shots, shots, beer and more shots. Needless to say, I was hammered. I started to dance and make out with a particularly short individual as my friends laughed away and kept a close eye on me to ensure no foul play was there.

I was dumb enough to give the guy my real number and when we grabbed some poutine a few blocks over, he insisted on coming over and meeting us. No, thank you random hobbit. I would rather not. Strangely enough in my drunken stupor, we met some random giant on the Granville strip and I think I may have called him an Ent because… he reminded me of a giant talking tree? I’m not too sure what was going on that night or if we walked through some Lord of the Rings vortex but the YOU SHALL NOT PASS gag is still told today.

 YOU SHALL NOT PASS | You shall not pass

Never Again: Polar Ice (2010):

I was working at Starbucks at the time and I got concert tickets to see Calvin Harris, a massive up and coming EDM artist at the time. I worked a closing shift which ended at 10pm and hustled over to the liquor store across the street to get a mickey of Polar Ice. Knowing that I wasn’t driving and that I needed to catch up drunk-wise with my friends, I used a Venti cup – poured 1/3 cup of Polar Ice and 2/3 cup of Polar Ice Vodka. Smart right!?!

My friends picked me up from home and we parked nearby-ish to the venue. I threw back that disgusting concoction and almost gagged in my mouth . No barf. Whew. Close call.

Okay so ‘smart’ probably wasn’t the right word to use… But holy shitballs, never have I ever been that drunk (see what I did there?). That was probably my finest blackout drunk Fun Val time ever. My friends guided me to McDonalds in downtown to meet up with more pals and we headed over to BC Place for the concert. Time and place was irrelevant. Everything was spinning and all sorts of noises were being made. Since it was the Olympics, cars were banned around certain sites and so we walked what felt like was 20 miles.

We waited and waited and when were near the front of the club and I was also near blackout stage. According to my friends, I puked right at the entrance just before we got in and the bouncer kicked me out right away. My friends had to sell their tickets and bring me back home.

Memorable quote of the night :”Well, it looks like Val had rice and tomatos for dinner.”

Flash forward to next morning:

All I could remember were the bells on a bike taxi that apparently took us back to the car.

While I have plenty of other Cuervo stories to share, these have to be my favourite ones. I better stop procrastinating and start studying.

So for now, keep on drinking and make some bad decisions for me!

-v

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