I’m That Roommate

I just posted a video about my life in Beijing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgROL9uy-cw

I honestly feel sorry for my guy roommate, Bob.

It’s not that I’m a dirty roommate or anything, it’s just that I can’t speak to him in Chinese because my Chinese is so poor and his English skills are nonexistent, I think?

Our apartment has a wet shower, which means that you can shower and everything gets wet. The toilet, the sink, the floor. There’s nothing to confine the water splashing everywhere. As one does when one goest to the washroom, I did my business, closed the lid, flushed and took a shower right after. I went on with getting ready to go out and then went out. What I didn’t know was that my business didn’t flush down. Guess, who had to deal with that… Bob. I came home and I see a brand new red plunger next to the toilet… aii carumba. My bad. I’m sorry Bob that you had to deal with that….

Five days ago, I uploaded my vlog onto Youtube which took a lot of bandwidth.. I’m pretty sure the upload made our bandwidth crawl to a halting stop mid-evening. He’s a gamer and I’m pretty confident I messed up his online video games with the angry smash of finger to keyboard…

Which brings me to the last point: I was backed up for a few days and I went to the washroom to do my thing. Uh oh, it wasn’t going down. It wasn’t effing going down. Oh dear god. Is this because I keep putting the toilet paper down the toilet? Oh jesus. I’ve got to stop putting toilet paper down the toilet! I’m clogging up the system! Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. I don’t know why but I panicked and texted my family letting them know that I have, yet again, clogged the toilet. I flush multiple times.. once.. nope… twice.. nope… thrice.. nope. Brand new red plunger in sight, this is when I’d use one right?

I give it a good pump. Nothing. I give it another pump. The plunger inverts. Mother f**k. This cheap f**king plunger is a piece of shi*. Now I’m panicking and pissed and start to continually pump trying to contain the contaminated water in the god damn toilet bowl. I flush. It goes down (thank god). But makes that sound where you know that it’s clogged somewhere along the pipes. As long as it is down. Sweet baby jesus. Please dont clog. Please dont clog. Please dont clog.

Already late in meeting my friends, I packed my stuff and left. My business was down and I just going to blissfully ignore whatever is to come to whoever uses the toilet next. I purposely stay out really late with friends (half because we were having fun) but also because I didn’t want to be the next person using the toilet… When I did come home, it was good as new.

I’m sorry Bob. I am the worst roommate there is and I need to have more fibre in my diet. I didn’t know I talked so loudly to our other roommate in the hallway and this is my apology letter to you.  You’ll never understand this but the heart felt good intention is here.





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